Cop Out
by BecauseShewasBORED
Summary: It inspired screaming fangirls all over the world to snatch up their computers and write more smut than any other episode of Raw in the history of...FOREVER. Rated T for bad jokes, extreamly offensive material and something that may resemble slash.
1. If the first chapters stupid

_Time: 10:03 am_

_Date: 7/4/10_

_To: Shawn_

_From: Hunter_

_Message: man we got a srs prob. hart is hosting raw tonite._

_Reply From: Shawn_

_Time: 10:30 am_

_Message: hunter wtf is your problem? u woke me up at 10 on a monday mornin to tel me bout you heart murmer? crist y did i bother givin u my cel number._

_Reply From: Hunter_

_Time: 10:31 am_

_Message: dammit shawn listen! im not talkin bout my heart im talkin bout HART. hes bck an hes hosting raw. TONITE!_

_Reply From: Shawn_

_Time: 10:35 am_

_Message: r u fuckin ON somethin? bc if you are ur shit out of luck. im not bailing ur ass out of jail again. theres no way in hell vinnie man would allow that loser to host raw._

_Reply from: Hunter_

_Time: 10:36_

_Message: rnt u stil lik, a peep? doesnt that mean no cussing?_

_Reply From: Shawn_

_Time: 10:39_

_Message: dammit hunter, ive told u b4. just bcuz im a 'christian' does NOT mean i worship JAY!_

_Reply From: Hunter_

_Time: 10:40_

_Message: oh right. well doesnt bein a christian mean no cussing?_

_Reply From: Shawn_

_Time: 10:42_

_Message: im aethist on mondays mornings._

_Reply From: Hunter_

_Time: 10:43_

_Message: srsly u need to rethnk ur dedication 2 ur faith. an its no joke. the cock lover called me himself an hour ago an told me. said hes got a "bury the hatchet" storyline for u 2._

_Reply From: Shawn_

_Time: 10:51_

_Message: whatever... so ur not shiting me? Brets really comming back?_

_Reply From: Hunter_

_Time: 10:52_

_Message: uh huh. wait whut? since wen do u cal seaweed head "bret" anyway?_

_Time: 11:00_

_Date: 7/4/10_

_To: Shawn_

_From:Hunter_

_Message: Shawn? hello?_

_Time: 11:20_

_Date: 7/4/10_

_To: Shawn_

_From: Hunter_

_Message: Goddamnit._

_Later that fatefull monday..._

" This is stupid Vince."

Vince McMahon sighed deeply, irritated that one of his underlings was'nt unquestioningly doing as he ordered. Of course, Bret had'nt been his 'underling' in years, though their past relations would forever haunt Vinces wet dreams. But that was beside the point. He was Vincent Kenedy McMahon goddammit, and Bret was supposed to be bending over his desk, showing his hot little ass to his superior as he writhed in agonized pleasure-

"Vince?"

The pervert in question lurched out of his inner erotica so violently that he forgot to bend his knees when his feet made contact with the floor. Consequently, he landed on his billion dollar ass, square in the middle of the locker room.

Bret 'The Hitman' Hart looked down at him curiously "Vince? Goddamnit listen to me. I did not come here so that you could stick me in some dumb shoot with Princess- I mean Shawn," He said irritably.

Vince sighed again. Bret was many things. Good looking, great in the sack, a top wrestler and even quit intelligent. But Hitman could'nt read the mood of a conversation to save is life. Egnoring the other wrestlers snickering, he took the strong arm Bret offered him and stood. "Just shut up and do the storyline Bret. Its really about time you two stopped being so stubborn and started acting like adults," He didnt have to brush dirt off his pants because though it was a male locker room, it was amazingly clean, the luminessant white walls throwing angelic light on the men as they frolicked around, giggling as they did each others hair and discussed their outfits for the night.

Bret made a face that made Vince doubt he was capable of being an adult "But this is not why I agreed to come Vince. I did'nt come here to be in some dumb storyline that will have all my fangirls writing me in fanfics as an overbearing, selfish asshole whose constantly dragging an unrealisticly feminin Shawn Michaels off into dark corners for a little after dinner rape."

Vince felt a tingling begin in his lower regions. It was definatly the begining of arousal and not, like, an STD he might have picked up on his nightly trips to Boystown. "Oh?" he asked leaning against the wall with what he hoped was casual sexuality while simultaniously shifting his legs together in an attempt to ease the itchy, buning balls he'd been suffering from for the past week. "And would you care to tell me why you _did_ come here?"

Brets black eyes- yes thats right, black because it TOTALLY makes sense for someone to have BLACK eyes and not, you know, brown or something- gleamed with a sadness that was so unbelievably HAWT that Vince and all others in the imediate area had to hold themselves back to keep from jumping the incedibly attractive 54 year old stroke survivor right there. They even stoped humming cutely in order to stare lustily at the Hitman.

Bret shrugged. "Well-" He stoped talking when his ** exreamly sharp hearing- which he developed after years of being in eardrum busting arenas full of roaring fans- kicked in and he spun around, emo eyes zeroing in on the petite, woman like form of the Heartbreak kid. Their eyes locked for a moment but Shawn, being the feminin one, broke the contact first in favor of staring shyly at the floor and scuffing the carpet with his boot. Which is fitting behavior for a 46 year old man/woman/whatever and not at all the mannerisms of a prepubescent schoolgirl.

Again, everyone in the vicinity found themselves staring- this time at Shawn- and trying to resist the overwhelming desire to commit a very seriouse crime in broad daylight with hundreds of other people in the building. Of course, some of the men had WIVES but that little plot hole means nothing in the all powerfull character killing FanFic Universe. And in FanFic, everyone knows that if you are a wrestler or are in any way associated with wrestling, you HAVE to be homosexual. Because Mary Fucking Sue Said So Goddammit. And If You _Dare _Say Anything About It She Will Kidnap Shawn And Make Him Even More Sue-ish Than He Already Is.

Anyway.

Seeing everyone ogling HIS princess, Bret's totally NOT OOC possesiveness took over and he stormed over to Shawn. Taking his arm in a death grip that somehow did'nt make Shawn punch him in the gut, Bret shot Vince a glare

" You're paying me extra for the fangirl erotica thats about to take place."


	2. More stupid and lots of PLOT CONVENIENCE

"Sooooo, where are we going?" Asked Shawn, his implied height preventing him from keeping pace with the Hitman.

"Somewhere," Replied Bret, dragging Shawn down some random hall as he realized he'd stormed out of the locker room and taken a wrong turn. Muttering curses under his breath, he ducked down another hallway and past some crew members setting up for a promo.

"And what are we gonna do when we get there?" Asked Shawn, panting. It was his turn to curse now as he realized that his legs were WAY shorter than Brets, though he could have sworn that back in Montreal they were only an inch or two apart in height.

"Talk. I want some answers and the ones you've been screaming at me through the media for 12 years don't count. Christ you're slow," Shawn sighed at the comment

"Mary Sue put me in the Character Convenience Dryer. I'm shorter, but on the plus side, I look 20 years younger XD"

"Did you seriously just use a smily face in you're mocking offensive dialogue?" Asked Bret incredulously as he strode down another hallway, people stoping to stare at the sheer amazingness they posessed. Or, you know, they were just supprized that Heartbreak and Hart were'nt at each others throats.

"Yes I did. Cool huh?" Said Shawn, managing to sound smug even though he was huffing and puffing along in Bret's wake.

"Well, quit it. Its irritating," Glancing down at his attractive, OOC friend, the Hitman frowned. "Geez, Sue did a number on you. She hit you with the Oxymoron Spatula too, did'nt she?"

"Gee how could you tell? Was it the womanly figure/manly chest, or the feminin voice and deep bariton laugh?" Said Shawn dryly as they rushed down a hallway that could have been creepy or intriguing, dending on whose story you read. Hell, it even had the potential to be a plot point in the right hands.

"Now now, no need to be so bitchy," Soothed Bret, wondering why he was soothing his mortal enemy, but dissmissing the question after a moment. Cannon was discarded at the door of this fanfic _long_ ago.

"Can't help it man, its in my OOC-ness. Oh look, a conveinently placed door to the parking lot!" Said Shawn, pointing to a door before them.

Bret scutinized it, contemplating the meaning of the big sighns around it. "Well I understand that," He gestured to the glowing sighn reading 'PLOT CONVENIENCE' "But I don't get that one at all," He pointed to the other sighn, which screamed in neon letters, 'BADLY WRITTEN FANSERVICE AND UNEXPLAINED FORGIVENESS '

Shawn waved a hand "Obviously, once we step foot through that door, the readers will be subject to poorly written sex scenes and you forgiving me for Montreal in some dumb manner that has no substance since the author can't come up with a real reason for you to forgive me."

"Because there is'nt one, maybe?" Asked the Hitman, reluctant to go through the door.

"Ouch Bret," Grumbled Shawn, staring at the floor with a hurt expression on his face.

Bret rolled his eyes, unimpressed. "Get over yourself Michaels. Listen, I don't want to subject the readers to such unessisary torture. How about we skip the Plot Door of Doom and go get some coffee?"

Shawn let out a defeated sigh "Its no use Bret. We can't fight it."

Hitman scoffed "If theres ne thing I've learned about myself in this fic its that I'm damn near invincible. I can pretty much run around doing whatever the hell I want to whoever I want since I'm the manly one in this pairing. Meaning I have to protect and save YOU," He smiled at Shawn in an extreamly HAWT way. "And I choose to save you from the horrors of fanservice."

"Shawn looked at the Hitman, hopeful despite himself "But where will this fanfic be without meaningless sex covering up the shallow characters and lack of a plot?

Bret shrugged "Do you care?"

Shawn paused, thinking. Then he gasped, realising he had been in this OOC way too long. He was so used to just going along with the plot - or the lack there of - that he had forgotten what it was like to be himself. "You know what? You're totally right. Lets get the hell out of here and go get some coffee. Oh, and _I _will be paying."

Bret grinned, a small, amused grin that was'nt really that warm or overly enthusiastic. Still, Shawn found himself liking this one more than the forced, darkly amused one he'd had before. The Hitman turned, heading away from the door. "No arguements there _Shawn,_" He paused, savoring the feel of the mans name "Holy shit, I actualy called you by you're NAME instead of mutilating it or giving you some retarded pet name."

"Yeah, and look!" Shawn sepped close to Bret, until their noses were almost touching and held a hand between their foreheads "I'm back to being an inch taller than you."

Bret snorted "You woud be focused on the physical," They headed down the hallway as something struck the Hitman suddenly "Man, I just realized, we can use this 'Bret is the god second only to the author' thing to our advantage."

Shawn cocked his head "How?"

Bret smirked "Like this," He walked down a random hall, confusing the Heartbreak Kid

"How does waltzing down some random hallway equate to abusing your author given powers...?"

Bret just shrugged, stoping at the nearest door and opening it "Take a look."

Shawn shot his companion an odd look, but complied, peering into what he expected to be a broomcloset or lockerroom.

What he saw instead was a cozy looking coffee shop, complete with customers and big windows at the front that looked out onto a busy city street. The Heartbreak Kid glanced at Bret, grudgingly impressed despite himself. "Show off," He declared, though not unkindly.

Hitman shrugged "Hey if you got it, be proud of it. So, ready to buy me some coffee?"

"Oh hell yeah. I'm not sure if its just because of the fanfic, but I am actually kind of attracted to you," Said Shawn, leading the way into the cafe.

"Hey, maybe I'll get payed extra for that erotic fansevice after all then," Said Bret, causing Shawn to laugh as they sat down in a booth and enjoyed their coffee and each others company.

ATTHS. In a grungy hotel room. On the floor. With Hunter.

Maybe XD


End file.
